how do you know if its been long enough, or when youre ready? what if you think you're ready sometimes but kep chickening out?
i guess that would mean not ready, right?
yeah.
sometimes i just adore him so much, like a quick glimpse of his hands, or christ, his eyes, and he'll say something... he picks on me constantly, which i love.... well, we pick on each other. and hes just so amazingly talented, and so good at everything he does...and he's a scorpio, lol, the sex sign....
last night i wanted to say something so badly but totally clammed up. tonight we're going to starbucks, and i'll have yet another chance, which i'm sure i wont take... but its okay cause i like just spending time with him. the other stuff.... its more just impulsive and prolly totally destructive...
this has been the longest i've ever been just freinds with a guy. thats a good thing, definitly, but its also a little confusing for me. sometimes i dont know if i've actually figured out how a good relationship should progress, or if i'm just not over the other shit. its prolly some of both.
anyway, i'm getting antsy. i've been close to saying something several times now...i dont even care about getting shot down after all this time.... lol, i guess im more afraid he'll say yes.
im a little afraid to try something new. im a little not over the other stuff. i'm a little reluctant to let emotional shit potentially get in the way of school and an awesome study buddy. i'm a little afraid to really fall for him and find out he's not the person i thought -- i cant go through that again. lol, i like thinking decent guys do exist, even if they're not for me.... im afraid things will get too complicated, and stop being fun. now they are just SOOOO fun...i havent laughed so hard as i did last night in a very long time....
if it aint broken, dont fix it, right?