first, my drums. i fucking love them. sitting behind them is like painting, only i get two sticks in my hands. i cant even begin to describe the feeling of pounding out a good (or decent) groove....i've been practicing like 4 times a day, on my knees, the table, the dashboard, whenever else the mood strikes. the night after i first got the new set, i was dozing off to cartoon network, and all those cheesy music commericals that come on, that i've heard maybe a zillion times before...they sounded different, because all i could hear was the beat. same thing happens when a car pulls up next to me, and has the radio on loud.... i just hear the drums. whats even MORE insane is that i'm pikcing out the beats in EVERYTHING....my ceiling fan, my air conditioner, the way my car tools.... i just love it. i'm dying to start lessons....waiting for shawn to get back to me with andy's number, or else i'm just starting with paul next week. either way, it works for me.
and i finally left levi an email telling him he was being a concieted dick (in so many words). the funniest thing is, if i wanted casual sex, which i DON'T, there are alot of other people i could go to BEFORE him that wouldnt give me the hassle or aggrivation. what IS it with him that he thinks i want him so badly? maybe its a self esteem issue with HIM, that he thinks chicks cant be around him without wanting to go down....it seriously pisses me off. especially after things had gotten fairly cool, and i actually enjoyed hanging out with him.... anyway, i dont expect to hear back, because in his mind, whatever i say and do is part of some master scheme to get him into bed.... and i thought *I* was neurotic.
and speaking of neurotic, i still feel way weird with shawn. though i can honestly say now its in a different way than before. i cant really describe each weird feeling specifically, except that from the shit i've heard, offhand, i know he talks bad behind my back. but face to face (or on the phone), hes all sugar lumps and flowers. i'm sorry, but i cant deal with that shit naymore, nor do i want to even TRY. theres just no reason for it. not to mention, it seems like hes always trying to get me angry at other people, jeff and levi most often. and other times, when we're not dwelling on what dickheads everyone else is and reveling in our own supieriority, i just feel like i'm being manipulated. all in all, i just dont want to deal with it. wether its in my head, or this is shit hes subconciously doing, or wether its just the kind of person he is, and i'm just now realizing it.... not my fucking bag anymore. and i dont want to have anything to do with it.
on that note, i've been hanging with olya quite a bit. i've wanted to do more than we've actually had time for, like gallery openings, and boston, but we talk all the time, and we're supposed to be going out to that island on friday, before class.... i really enjoy hanging out with her, its always a laugh riot, and theres never any of the shady under-shit. the biggest perk, i think, to hanging out with someone a little older and wiser. theres no "competition".... unlike most of the other girls i've hung around with, shes never tried to stab me in the back, and doesnt talk bad about me the minute i walk away. in fact, i've heard from other people (like the PR lady from the albany institute) that she says nothing but good things about me.... we give each other our clothes and shoes....its just so freaking awesome. the way a real freindship should be.
mike has suddenly turned on to acting, which is wild! i've always thought he'd be really good for the part of marcus, and suddenly last week he was just like: "I want to act", lol. i guess its not much different from the way i attacked the drums.... anyway, jeff sent him a bunch of stuff, so we'll see what happens. it could be so fun!
anyway, thats quite enough for now. i'm gong to go practice, then study for my stats exam. i HAVE to pass this one!!! and yet i HATE this class, and HATE studying for it, and HATE doing the homework.... specially when theres so many other things id rather be doing!!!!