uh...last post i was a wee bit drunk. which is why its down....
long and short: i was just angry yesterday. majorly overreacting to minor stuff. i still dont know what the hell happened to the school crew: it was more to hook up mike with levi and jeff, and give olya and john more chances to hang out.... i guess its just that i'd really come to trust both of them, because of how much we've all worked together... and because i'm (clearly) still jaded by what happened with levi, i'm putting too much into this one stupid thing.... and with levi, i think he was trying ot be nice last night, and i read it as just insanley condesending.... i could go on with that, but i'm not going to, cause its totally not worth it.
but i SO still feel like a tool. i feel bad cause i totally ruined shawns night, i'm sure.... just after no one showed, and levi checkoud out early, after having SUCH a shitty day....
you know, i need to stop hanging with people from the group. and i need to keep school stuff at school level. not that i'm terriby upset at this point, after the fact, but honestly, i'm just so sick of wasting energy on it....
anyway, that last post was obnoxious -- i cant belive i even wrote it.
you know, i said it before, but i'm going to say it again now, and hopefully this time mean it -- i have a feeling this diary is getting read by people its not meant for, and thats really upsetting. i've tried locking it, and i've tried changing my handle, but people still manage to find it.... and yes, you're prolly saying, whats the use of an online diary, if you dont want peopel to read it? well, you want strangers to read it -- not people who are close to you and will take this shit to heart. also, being a scatterbrained idiot, its a convienent way of logging this stuff -- my past attempts at diaries have wound up deleted or lost or the cat's peed on them....
anyway, i want to stop posting, and i know i won't ... this entry itself has changed like 90 times....and though i'm probably being totally paranoid, i really think he's reading this and totally not getting it.... at this point, i must look completely insane.....
well, i guess its kinda his fault, too, for being so nosey. hopefully, eventually, the whole truth will come out, crazy and stupid as it is....