WELL. so much for that.
fuck.
AMEND: and i'm angry again. i'm really sick of being angry..... can you hate without being angry? i guess you can... okay, so that's it. that's what i'm doing. hate minus the angry. and that should theoretically work.
you know, i've said it before and i'm going to say it again, one last time... despite mathan's good advice, the semi-good advice of those around me.... the only reason i'm so upset/hurt by all this is because of how different it was. especially afterwards. the whole thing just really changed me....it blew everything i ever believed in completely out of the fucking water.
and thats that.
despite everything, shit was better when i was 9. id rather have the most horrible life and just an ounce of hope than something decent with no hope at all. growing up shouldnt be about loosing faith in things you really belive in. especially magic and fairy tales.